I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
