My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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