I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize