forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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