I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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