i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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