but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
