She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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