I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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