Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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