Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
