a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize