I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
