Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
