Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
