dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
