The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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