fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
