ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
