That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
