Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
