you didnt know i had herpes?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
