Fuck appropriateness.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
