I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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