Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
