Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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