I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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