I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
