I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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