Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize