why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
