i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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