your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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