He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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