you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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