I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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