im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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