Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
