We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
