I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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