Well apparently he's into motor boating.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
