i was born a porn star she said
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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