go do what you do best...puke behind churches
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
