just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
