maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
