apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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