Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
