so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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