she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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