halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
A+ Viking dick
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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