if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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