my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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