oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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