idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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