soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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