my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
