i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
