and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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