Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she peed on how many people?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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