winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
