If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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