I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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