somebody snuck up and got me drunk
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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