apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
